Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Question...
I am taking the opportunity of blogging at this time to ask something that has been brought to my attention and that bothers me. When a daughter is giving birth is it being "too overbearing" to be with this daughter and help her through the experience of birth/postpartum with the wisdom that comes from having 8 of her own and also that of being a pediatric/newborn nurse? I would appreciate your honest and frank comments...comment anonomously if needed.
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4 comments:
I don't think its over bearing at all!
I would only think it would be overbearing if she had said "mom I want to do this on my own" and then you came in anyways and told her what to do etc. (Which I'm sure you wouldn't do anyways! :) )Otherwise I'm sure any help you offered would be greatly appreciated. I know I have called you about 18 bajillion times for advice and it is a great comfort to have someone who is in the medical field that can tell me what to do and to know that you have our best interest in mind and won't lead me astray. It sure does save me from calling the doctor and them thinking I'm a complete and total idiot :)!
I remember when Chase was born and you helped Lacey get him latched on to nurse I thought "AHHH! I can't believe you just did that!" But then after having Addie and the nurse just trying to tell me what to do to get Addie to latch on I thought "OH! DUH! I wish I had that right now!!!!!!" She was just saying "hold her like this, no, like that, no just..." and I was about to scream! You just don't get it unless you are the one needing the help or have been in that situation before. (sorry to write a novel, in short, I think you were probably exactly what Lacey needed!)
Oooh, good question! Here are my thoughts:
It's only "overbearing" if the mother insists on being there - even when the daughter has expressed a desire to have things otherwise. If a woman wants the benefit of her mother's experience and understanding during labor and childbirth, that's just fine! I've always wanted my mom to be with me when I have my babies - I can't really imagine going through it without her. She's always been with me during the biggest/most important/most painful/most exciting moments of my life.
At the same time, it's different for everyone. My mother-in-law, for instance, doesn't want to attend her daughter's or anyone else's labor. She thinks that's something that should be experienced by the new parents only, which is also okay. We all have different emotional boundaries in our relationships.
Bottom line: a mother who helps her daughter through labor and delivery, when the daughter wants her to be there, is a great mother . . . as long as she doesn't try to boss her around or anything. :-)
I agree with the pp's. I don't think it's overbearing as long as your wanted. I know that I don't want alot of people at my births. I plan on doing homebirthing, waterbirthing, and hypnobirthing. As long as my mom knew that and didn't try to boss me around or tell me when to push I'd be fine. Or try to tell my midwife what to do. If I told her I only wanted my husband and midwife there and she showed up, then yes that would be overbearing.
If I told her I wanted her support and insight then thats fine. But everyone is different. Some people like all the support and help around and some (like me) would rather it be small and intimate and have family there later. It depends on the person. But if help is wanted and asked for then no it's not overbearing at all!
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